The Slow Leak
by Susan82
Summary: Tag to Bloodlust


**The episode Bloodlust ended quite nicely. They tied up (literally) the whole Gordon thing, and we were treated to a nice heart to heart between the brothers. There really was no need for a tag. So I wrote one anyway. LOL What can I say, sometimes you have to listen to the muse and just do what she says, even if it means writing pointless fluff. So, here it is…the oneshot that didn't have to be. Enjoy!**

Dean turned the radio up, ignoring the annoyed look Sam shot his way. The steering wheel vibrated under his fingers as the music pulsated through the car. But it seemed no matter how loud the music got, the thoughts in his head were able to shout above it.

Every mile brought an unwelcome memory as Dean's rebellious mind relived various hunts he'd been on in his life. Some had been easier than others; he'd seen his life flash before his eyes so many times he could add his own commentary. But no matter how painful, the end result had always been the same. One less evil lurking in the world. Except, had they all actually been evil? The shattered remains of life without his father had splintered even further after his run-in with Gordon and the vampires. The two things Dean could always count on were his family and his instincts. With his father gone, it was up to him to take care of Sam. After yesterday, Dean didn't know if he could trust himself to keep his brother safe.

Dean gave another crank of the volume button just as the lead guitarist began a rapid high-pitched solo. Sam's cry of protest cut through the noise, bringing a small smile to Dean's face.

"What was that, Sammy? I can't hear you if you mumble!" Dean grinned, wincing slightly as the motion pulled on his split lip. His eardrums felt like they were about to implode, but Dean didn't care. The pain was a welcome distraction to the emotional turmoil he'd been slowly drowning in. Of course, if he was able to annoy Sam in the process, well that was just the icing on the cake.

The song ended, filling the car with a loud hissing as the tape made it's way towards the next song. Sam took advantage of the pause to sneak his hand in and turn off the radio. He kept his hand positioned over the knobs, effectively holding the radio prisoner.

"Aw, come on, Sammy!" Dean could barely recognize the sound of his own voice through the ringing in his ears. Taking his eyes off the road, he shot his brother a playful grin. His smile faded as a flash of red caught his eye.

Dean had been so distracted by his own emotional and physical injuries that he'd forgotten about Sam's knife wound. He frowned at the spot of crimson that stained the white bandage on Sam's forearm. Aware of the scrutiny, Sam awkwardly pulled his arm back.

"It's fine, Dean." Sam said as he placed his right hand over the wound. Apparently the makeshift bandage had not been as effective as he'd hoped. His arm throbbed angrily under his hand as it demanded to be attended to.

Dean snorted. "Uh huh." Working his jaw to alleviate some of the ringing in his ears, he shook his head. "Right, like I'm really going to have you bleeding all over my newly restored car."

Lenore had proven that she could withstand the lure of human blood, but Sam hadn't been about to offer her any further temptation. He'd haphazardly tied a length of gauze around his arm after he'd put the semiconscious vampire in the passenger seat. Several hours later the injured limb had apparently decided it could wait no longer to be treated. Dean had spotted the bloody SOS and was ready to commence a rescue mission.

Dean pulled to the side of the road and shut off the car. "Get out." he ordered.

Sam sighed and opened the passenger door. He swung his long legs onto the gravel shoulder and waited for Dean to come over with the first aid kit.

Dean knelt down in front of his brother and gently pulled Sam's arm towards him. He undid the knots and began unwrapping the bandages. One layer. Two layers. Three. Four.

"Geez, Sam! Did you use the whole roll?" Dean exclaimed as he continued to remove the wrappings.

"I had a knife wound, Dean! Besides, I didn't exactly have the luxury of time here, Dean. It was getting close to sunrise." Sam defended himself.

"The sun doesn't kill vampires, remember?"

"Lenore'd been through enough. The least I could do is avoid her any further suffering."

A hunter protecting a creature of the night. Dean wondered if anything would ever make sense again.

Sam hissed as Dean removed the last of the bandages. The dried blood had adhered the gauze to the wound, making the removal nearly as painful as the initial injury. Dean muttered an apology as he examined his brother's arm.

A smooth three inch gash ran horizontially across Sam's arm, a thin trickle of blood still oozing from the center. Dean cursed as he tossed the bloody bandage behind him.

"You spend the night with a bunch of vampires and come out without a scratch, only to get cut by a hunter. You never cease to amaze me, Sam." Dean's jovial tone was betrayed by the anger flashing in his green eyes. Gordon was damn lucky Dean didn't notice the severity of Sam's arm until now, or there'd be one less hunter in the world.

Dean opened the first aid kit. Rummaging through it, he gave a surprised laugh. "You really did use the whole roll!"

Sam's cheeks turned red. "I told you, I was in a hurry. There wasn't that much left, anyway." Dean raised an amused eyebrow. Sam scowled and looked away. "Oh shut up."

Dean tightened his grip as he prepared to clean the cut. He poured a liberal amount of antiseptic onto his brother's arm, eliciting a yelp from the younger man. Dean shot a wry smile at his scowling sibling.

"Suck it up. You've had worse." Dean said as he exchanged the antiseptic for a needle.

"Just hurry up." Sam said through gritted teeth. He held his breath as the first stitch went it. Averting his eyes, he mentally willed his brother to work fast.

Dean's eyes darted from his work up to Sam's face, then back again. Lowering his head closer to Sam's arm, he cleared his throat.

"Sorry."

"I know."

"No, I mean—"

"Yeah, Dean, I know."

Dean worked in silence, his lips pursed in concentration. His thoughts kept drifting to the verbal war he'd waged with Sam that had culminated with a savage right hook at his baby brother's jaw. Sam's refusal to fight back, both then and later that evening only served to further Dean's feelings of anger and guilt. And now Sam was offering absolution that Dean didn't feel he deserved.

"Sam, I—"

"Dean, it's fine, ok? Just hurry up so we can get going."

"Sam, stop it. You've been pissing and moaning for weeks to get me to talk, so shut up and let me finish!" Dean said loudly.

Sam blinked and closed his mouth, nodding for Dean to continue.

Dean took a deep breath. "Look, I'm sorry I didn't listen to you about the vampires. And about Gordon." Dean hurried through the next sentence as he placed another stitch in Sam's arm. "I should've trusted your judgment and I'm sorry."

"It's just that…I don't know. Everything's gotten so screwed up. I just don't know…" Dean's throat closed up, his emotions momentarily preventing him from continuing. Sam began to speak, only to be silenced by Dean's hand.

"I'm not done." Dean got his voice to work as he continued his confession. "What you said about Dad..."

Sam shook his head sadly. "Dean, I—"

"You weren't entirely wrong." Dean quickly finished. Dean looked away from Sam's pitying expression. "Look, I know you want me to share my innermost thoughts and get all Movie of the Week with you, but I just can't do that. That's your deal. I can't do it. Don't ask me to."

Sam's heart broke to see his brother so defeated. Losing their father was hard enough, now their whole philosophy on how they lived their lives had been turned upside down. Sam watched as a tear slipped out of the corner of Dean's eye, running over the raw skin on his cheek.

Sam knew Dean was doing the best he could. While Sam wore his heart on his sleeve, Dean kept his emotions within where they grew like an expanding balloon. If Sam poked too hard, the balloon could burst, completely destroying itself. Sam just had to be patient and let Dean vent his feelings in slow trickles, slowly deflating the balloon over time until all the guilt and devastation completely dissipated.

Sam decided to let Dean off the hook. For now.

"Hey, Dean?" Sam said softly.

"Yeah?"

"You planning on finishing up anytime soon? My arm's getting numb." Sam gently slapped Dean with the back of his right hand as he tried shifting his left arm to a more comfortable position.

Dean kept his head down as he grabbed Sam's arm and held it still. "If you'd quit squirming, maybe I'd be able to finish. Unless you'd rather me get the Krazy Glue."

Sam chuckled, an easy smile graced his face despite the painful pinpricks he endured as Dean put in the last few stitches.

Dean studied his work as he used his handkerchief to wipe away the tiny rivulets of blood that had escaped as he'd stitched Sam up. "All set, Sammy boy."

Sam pulled his arm back and lightly ran his fingers over the stitches. "Not bad." Dean was quite handy at fixing things, whether it be the Impala or an injured arm. But it would be up to Sam to fix Dean's emotional wounds, one stitch at a time. Sam looked critically at his older brother.

"You ok?"

Dean stood up and bent at the waist to look at himself in the sideview mirror. "Yeah." Dean tilted his head to the side. "Kinda gives me that raw, rugged badass look. Chics dig that, you know."

Sam rolled his eyes. "No, I meant—"

Dean stopped admiring himself in the mirror and met Sam's gaze. "Yeah, I know. I'm ok."

Dean stood up and dusted off his knees. "So, are we going to stand here talking all day, or can we hit the road?"

"Whenever you're ready." Sam replied as they got back into the car.

Dean reached for the ignition, then let his hand fall back into his lap. "You know, I keep going over all the hunts we've been on. At the time they all seemed so cut and dry: find evil bastard, kill evil bastard. Now I'm just not so sure."

Sam nodded slowly as he stared at the empty road before him. "We can't change the past, Dean. All we can do is move forward, one step at a time."

"Yeah." Dean said softly. Sam watched his brother silently as the older man absently fiddled with the car keys. After a few moments Dean coughed, shaking his head as if waking from a trance.

"I'd say it's about time I step on the gas, get us moving. I've wasted enough time playing nursemaid to your puny little scratch." Dean had tied up the end of the balloon, once more sealing in his emotions. Sam was willing to let him have his way for now.

"Hey Dean?" Sam began as Dean turned on the engine. "How about we give the music a rest for a while, ok?"

Dean listened to the soothing rumble of the Impala as he pulled back onto the road. It seemed his inner demons were content to leave him alone for the time being. He had a clear head and the open road in front of him. Dean pushed the pedal to the floor, flashing a grin as he brought his fist down lightly on Sam's knee.

"You got it, Sammy."


End file.
